I Partied with John Salley, Pete Rose's Wife & Daughter and Pedro From Napoleon Dynamite This Weekend

I know what your first reaction is. "WTF?" Yeah, that was kind of mine too. But I guess I should specify. I didn't really party at the Vine Street Lounge (great place by the way) WITH any of them. I partied right by them. But still, the fact that John Salley and Pete Rose's wife and daughter were all at the same place that I was is pretty sweet. I was going to go home (to Illinois) to get my old Pete Rose Starting Lineup action figure to see if his wife could sign it, but I figured, the flight alone would probably take up too much time. Especially since clubs in Hollywood close at 2:00 AM. Well, unless you know the owner, then they just lock the doors and a select group of people keep drinking. Actually, I was talking to the owner of the place and one of the promoters. Maybe I could have gotten in on that. Oh well. I was probably too busy thinking of blog ideas again. Drunk Blogger PSA: I would like to now sell out. Hey kids, you shouldn't play with Paintball Guns without an adult, but...have you ever wondered about the history of paintball guns? Well, sit down kids, and listen to some knowledge yo. Paintball guns were originally used by the forestry and farming industries to mark trees and cattle. Isn't that crazy?! These early paintball guns were similar to many paintball pistols of today. Now, I can't believe that they were. But they were! They were powered by CO2 cartridges but they had poor range, not to mention mediocre accuracy. The tree-marking paintball guns had to be modified in order to reduce their velocity to prevent injury to humans. Isn't that crazy!? Generally, the evolution of paintball gun technology is focused on achieving greater speed, accuracy, and air efficiency.Paintball guns will probably continue to evolve as new technologies are developed to make them ever smaller, lighter, more accurate, and more air-efficient. How sick is that?! So now, you can check out Zephyrpaintball.com, which was founded in 2004. They had the idea of bringing low prices, customer service and fast shipping to the paintball world. Zephyr Paintball has Paintball Guns from all the top manufacturers. Awesome. This includes: Smart parts, Kingman Spyder, Proto, Tippman, and More. And the best part? They will match competitors prices on all of their in stock Paintball guns! Sweet! Drunk Blogger is like a cool version of [adult swim], minus the advertising. Oh yeah, and the televised part. And then there is that thing about actually getting paid. But besides that, it's very similar.

I'm Glad I've Never Been in a K-Swiss Commercial

I know I shouldn't be picky, but I gotta admit, I am very happy that I've never been in a K-Swiss commercial. At 25, I think I've finally passed the age of eligibility for those "hip" and "cool" commercials anyway, which is probably a very good thing. It's also good that I never ended up on any of those cheesy MTV dating shows. I was even supposed to be on "Next" when I first moved to Hollywood but MTV screwed me over and I didn't get on. I think the man upstairs stepped in on that day. Seriously, it had to have been divine intervention. Somebody up there said, "Wait a minute Brian...oops, I mean "Drunk Blogger," ...Wait a minute Drunk Blogger, you aren't a completely shitty douchebag, and you don't totally suck as a person. Why are you going on this show?" I am very, very, very, very, very, very, very thankful that MTV screwed me and I didn't make it on that show. I've never been anywhere near a K-Swiss commercial. I haven't even auditioned for one. But that's because K-Swiss commercials suck, and I don't. First of all, K-Swiss shoes aren't even cool. Do you know anyone who wears them? (Besides the kids that are in the commercials that get a free pair of course.) Plus, the acting is so lame. "I wear K-Swiss, 2006." "Yo, checks out my K-Swiss homie." "Gotta have K-Swiss with my chords." "K-Swiss, for all occassions yo!" "K-Swiss, eh!" (in an absolutely horrible Canadian accent) It's just lame man. I'm just really glad I haven't been a part of these "high-quality" productions. I mean...don't get me wrong...I'd take the money...but besides that...forget it. I'm a Nike man bitch haha. I think I'm going to make a fake K-Swiss commercial where all these hip, trendy kids, wearing wristbands, stocking caps with brims and camaflouge cargo shorts, say what they ACTUALLY think about K-Swiss shoes. Except, they would say them with huge, fake smiles on their faces. The quotes would be more like: "Hey, these shoes fucking suck, but I like the residuals!" "Yo man, all my homies clown on me for wearing these Calvin-esque, K-mart shoes, but I gotsta pay the bills yo!" "Aren't I pretty? Oh yeah, K-Swiss or something." "K-Swiss, the lamest shoes, with the worst ad agency in the history of shoes!" "I fucked the Producer eh!" (in an absolutely horrible Canadian accent) Yeah...that would be more like it... Actually, I think I am actually going to do that, so don't steal the idea, or at least collaborate with me if you do. I'm going to post it here at some point, or on this site's future home DrunkBlogger.com. Of course - that's down the road though. Bonus Blog (It's a blog within a blog!): I saw "Rufio" from the movie "Hook" at my gym today. Actually, I saw him last week too, but it took 2 times seeing him to actually remember it. I threw a bunch of fake blue and green food at him and yelled, "I believe!" and then I tried to fly of the 4th floor of the Arcoylyte parking garage. That didn't really work out so well. Serially though, I did see Rufio yall. Drunk Blogger - Yes, he does sign autographs. Except he charges $20 per, and then he signs them "Jose Canseco."

I Saw Regina King @ My Job

I held the door for Regina King as I was walking into work and she was leaving where I work. I won't offer any more details in fear of getting fired from my job. Well...not really "in fear," but it wouldn't be a good thing. If you are reading this Regina - I was the totally, pimped out caucasian playa holding the door, wearing the button-up shirt, designer jeans and brand new white Pumas. Uhhhhhh... (Note: I do not think the term "totally, pimped out caucasian playa" is cool.) I did ask her if I could be in Ray 2, but she said they weren't making one. Damn. I don't see why not. The first one did so well. Regina King PSA: Hey kids, guess what? Mother's Day is just around the corner. It will be here before you know it. We all need to take time to thank the person that brought us into this world in the first place and this is the day to do it. They cared for you when you were young (and even now that we are grownups) so now we need to care for them. Let your mother know she's the most important woman in your life with our exceptional selection of Mothers Day Flowers and Mothers Day gift ideas from DotFlowers. Flowers are always a great choice for a Mother's Day gift. From the Monticello Rose Bouquet, to the Abundant Glory Arrangement, try elegant and traditional flowers that will impress your Mother. Drunk Blogger is a contributor to Rolling Stone - but not a regular contributor...well...actually not at all.

Clippers Win, Because I Ran Into Elton Brand Last Summer

The Clippers are having one of their best seasons in franchise history, have made the playoffs and are up 2-0 against the Denver Nuggets. You know why? Because I rebounded a few shots for Elton Brand last summer at 24-Hour Fitness in Hollywood. That's right, the attitude I conveyed while rebounding those missed 3-pointers by Elton Brand, carried over to him and eventually the rest of the team. Los Angeles Clippers fans, you can thank me. Ladies & Gentlemen, get ready for a Drunk Blogger flashback.... It was an oh so dynamic, sunny and caliente day as I entered 24-Hour Fitness in Hollywood last Summer. The months are unknown, but they are also unnecessary. Experts believe it was between the months of June & July. Who knew, the attitude of one young man, could change the face of a professional sports franchise...FOREVER... Just kidding, fuck all that shit. Here is what happened: Last Summer, I went to play basketball at 24-Hour Fitness and Elton Brand showed up. He wasn't playing but he was wearing big headphones while jogging and dribbling the ball around the court. While I was waiting to play, he was shooting around at the same basket that I was. He was shooting 3-pointers. I was rebounding. We exchanged some kind of a joke as he totally airballed one 3. I don't remember what it was. This is a flashback of course. Also, let me just say, there is a reason why Elton Brand doesn't shoot 3's in the NBA. No offense EB(That's what I call him...or at least would if I actually knew him. I'm going to pretend that I am good friends with him to look cool though.) Anyway, that was about it and then he left the gym. But, that is why...well...that is why nothing, the Clippers picked up Sam Cassell & Cuttino Mobley and Elton Brand got in great shape and is having an MVP-like season. That is why they are having a great season. If I was famous though, I would go on Jim Rome is Burning, sit next to Roger Lodge, and joke about how the great season can all be attributed to my rebounding skills. Ahh, that would be a fun day... Since I'm not famous though, I have to resort to writing this fucking piece of shit blog, mother fucker, son of a fucking bitch, I need a new outlet..FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh. Sorry about that. I'm just really competitive. Picture Note: Here is a picture of Elton Brand, who apparently, can fly. Drunk Blogger is a regular contributor to those cute little charts and graphs for USA Today. Psych.

Tomkat Family Tribute Video

Here is a tribute to the families of Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes and their "special" (and I do mean special) union. It's similar to one of those picture & video montage videos that you would see at a wedding reception, high school graduation or any other sentimental ceremony. This one has to be a joke, and if it's not, it's pretty sad. It will definitely make you sick and probably make you laugh. It will also definitely show all the awkward moments as they kiss and grope each other in public as if they are in junior high. Weird. Drunk Blogger was going to be head usher at Tom & Katie's wedding, (whenever it's going to be) but a requirement was becoming a Scientologist, so he declined, but not regretfully.

Daily Update: Weird Sighting in West Hollywood (I know. It's an oxymoron.)

Update: I just now walked down Laurel Ave. and saw a West Hollywood parking/traffic cop who looked like Carlos Mencia with a buzz cut, and a guy wearing a Japanese Kimono who looked like the 1985 Chicago Bears Quarterback Jim McMahon (sunglasses included) taking pictures of each other on a digital camera. I tell ya, only in LA. Well more notably, only in West Hollywood. This definitely deserves a WTF? Not only that, when I walked back, they were still talking and "hanging out" basically in the middle of the street. Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up. Well...I take that back...I could easily make this stuff up. But I didn't. So the next time you see Carlos "Mind of" Mencia with a buzzcut, flirting with 1985 Chicago Bears Star Jim Mcmahon in a Kimono - Do what I did. Run - as fast as you can, and write a blog. Drunk Blogger, a man on a mission. Actually, make that a few missions. Whichever one wins. We lose. UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Shortly after writing this, I was driving to work and saw Laurence Fishburne walking his dog on Outpost Drive. I thought about rolling down my window and yelling "Dude, The Matrix was awesome!" But then I remembered - I'm not a nerd.

06/06/06

There are signs all over LA that read "06 + 06 + 06: The Signs Are All Around You." Ok, I get the point, but what does it stand for? I was already aware of the fact that I'm kind of in hell just by living in Los Angeles, especially in Hollywood. If not hell, I'm at least in creative purgatory. I don't need a billboard to tell me that. So what the hell (Get it?) is it for? I'm going to be really pissed if I find out it's an advertisement for a new movie or video game or something (which it probably is). Anyway, if anybody has any insight into this "mysterious" new billboard and it's "deep, mythological" meaning or it's relation to whatever piece of shit "blockbuster" movie the studios are going to come out with this Summer, let me know. Well the Drunk Blogger believes in 06/06/06, but the only thing that scares him is Keyser Söze. And like that...the Drunk Blogger's gone.

I Saw the Ever-Nerdy Kato Kaelin in Vegas

Who cares right? I know, I know. But I'm using that as the headline of my Easter spent in Vegas. It was a crazy time and it was only fitting that I ran into Kato Kaelin at 6 AM in the Mirage Casino who was with a girl who was probably...no make that literally, half his age. It definitely made me sick. Besides seeing Kato, the trip was surprisingly awesome. Not that any trip to Vegas ever really sucks, but it was Easter and I didn't know how things were going to work out. Since it was Easter, it was a slow weekend in Vegas, but a slow weekend in Vegas is still crazier than anything else going on in the country. I went to Ghost Bar, which is at the top of the Palms and a portion of the balcony is glass bottom, which allows you to look down something like 60 stories? Oh yeah, it was cracked and shattered too. It was roped-off and a security guard wasn't allowing anybody to walk on it, which was probably a good thing. I don't know how that thing cracked, but I'm glad I wasn't standing on it when it was. I got free beer all night Saturday night at the Piano Bar in the New York New York. That was alright, but the piano players were playing stuff that was really cliche. Good songs, but the songs you would EXPECT to hear at a piano bar. They didn't even attempt to play any 50 Cent. WTF? I'm sure there were many other memorable moments, but I can't remember any of them. Kato Kalin is the first thing that comes to mind in relation to this blog, which is pretty sad. Actually, I could write a lot more about my stay in Vegas this past weekend...but for one thing, I'm not Tucker Max and for another, what stays in Vegas....yeah, you've heard it before. I'm not even going to finish it. Oh yeah, did I mention that about one hundred Hawaiian Tropic girls were staying at the Mirage too? Yeah, I had a centennialism with all of them. Well..you could imagine what it would be like at least.... There is a reason why Drunk Blogger is Drunk Blogger and not Hungover Blogger.

Happy Easter from the Drunk Blogger

Happy Easter from the staff here at Drunk Blogger. All 1,500 employees would like to wish the very best for you and yours. To celebrate, here is a picture of the Easter Bunny holding Spuds Mackenzie from Bud Light fame in the 80's. (I think it was the 80's at least.) Damn, those commercials worked too, because I was just a kid and didn't drink but I thought that dog was cool as shit. Now I drink Bud Light all the time. Anyway, I'll be spending Easter in Vegas at a bachelor party. Yeah I know. It's definitely not right. Happy Easter to everybody else though! I'm still hoping to get an extension on Easter until next Sunday. Drunk Blogger will at least be wearing an Easter colored button down shirt in Vegas.

Drunk Blogger Gives an Al Pacino-esque Speech at Subway (Kind of)

I've discovered that you have weird dreams, based in reality, when you are forced to sleep on an air matress in your living room because of the fumes lingering around your room (and apartment) due to a Mexican (sorry that was insensitive)...a Salividorian who is re-grouting your shower for the second day of three because of a leak in the downstairs apartment. (It's also no fun getting bad sleep the week before you go to Vegas. Great timing right?) Yeah, the bad sleep caused some weird, yet slightly believable dreams. Not that I don't usually have weird dreams, but I think I remembered these because I wasn't in as deep of a sleep and maybe the fumes helped too, who knows.Anyway, the dream started off with me watching ESPN highlight's of my Chicago Bulls against the Miami Heat. Pretty normal right? Scott Van Pelt said, "Are people questioning Shaq's sleep habits? Then he said, the Bulls won and everybody that Scott Skiles played for the Bulls scored, except Tyson Chandler." Then they show a highlight of Tyson Chandler hitting a jump shot? Huh? Still, pretty normal and believable right? Yeah, that part probably only entertained me. Then, I go to my favorite Subway restaurant at the corner of Sunset Blvd. & Crescent Heights (which is something I normall do, at least once a week anyway.) I order a Turkey Breast Sub. I go through the process. I see one of my camp counselors there from a camp I went to in 4th grade up in Michigan. Alright, that was weird. But whatever, maybe they are pursuing acting now. So I order the Turkey Club, go through the line. I don't get the meal that is included, or anything else, and the guy stands there with a straight face and says "$38.64." What? $38.64? For a sub at Subway? I kept asking him why it was so much and he just kept looking over his shoulder for 2 seconds and then back at me and saying nothing as if he couldn't speak English all of the sudden. I stood my ground. I was NOT going anywhere until this was resolved. I held up the line. Finally, other people in line and at tables around the Subway joined in. "Yeah, why is is $38.64 man?" "Yeah, why is his sandwhich so much?" The Sandwhich Artist stood there cold, saying nothing. Eventually, I gave a speech reminscient to Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon or Scarface when he is drunk and get's kicked out of the restaurant. "How could it possibly be $38.64 when I have never paid more than $7.00 for a single foot-long sub at Subway? This is ridiculous..." I can't remember the rest, but I'm sure it was riveting. After about 5 minutes of this ridiculous argument, I was all of the sudden on the floor of the Subway, laying down on an air mattress. I didn't get it at first, but I rationalized with myself that I had decided to sleep there until they lowered the price, possibly for weeks or even months. As long as it took. Then I woke up, and I actually was on an air mattress, getting horrible sleep and inhaling fumes from my shower being re-grouted. It was all a dream! Or was it..... UPDATE: I went to Subway shortly after writing this and the exact same thing happened! Just kidding. I wrote this update at the same time as the rest of the blog. Also, I just bought Windermere Real Estate ...whatever that is. Drunk Blogger was set to replace Dan Rather as head anchor at CBS, but then they read this blog.

Tara Reid on South Park

Here is a picture of Tara Reid in an upcoming episode of South Park that will air 2 years from now. How did I get this exclusive screenshot from this upcoming Tara Reid episode?....I didn't. I made this picture myself and made up that story about it being from an upcoming episode of South Park 2 years from now. If Tara Reid was going to be on South Park though, I imagine her looking something like this. Well, alright, maybe not, but a buddy of mine, he imagined that this is what she would look like...OK..ok..but you can imagine what it would be like imaging what it would be like if Tara Reid was on South Park? Right? BTW, did anybody see my film Saww III: The Sherman Oaks Webcam Murders on IFC tonight? Just wondering. It's a masterpiece. Anyway, here is how I came up with Tara Reid. For those of you who aren't a literary genius like myself, these are called symbols, or symbolism for short...or long:

• Lollipop - With the lollipop, I really wanted to bring out Tara's playful, youthful side, yet also illustrate the sense of entitlement that obviously started at a young age for her, hence the lollipop. The lollipop says, "Hey world, I'm a kid, but I'm not, but you can imagine what it would be like if I was."
• Beer (Bottle & Mug) - With the beer, I wanted to show Tara as being double-fisted, not only during most of the day, but during her whole life. She is not only double-fisted with alcoholic beverages, but double-fisted, almost everyday, with trying to balance her struggling acting career & her new reality show 'Taradise' her afternoon drives around Hollywood with nowhere to go.
• Pearl Necklace - The pearl necklace represents a family heirloom passed down from Tara's mother to her. It reminds her of their family history and the pride and integrity that the Reid family represents. That is why, Tara takes it off when she parties (most of her life) even though she forgot to in this picture.
• Cigar & Joint - This symbol (used in direct correlation with her eyes) represents Tara's attitude. It's carefree, high with her head in the clouds, no conscience to the outside world or how she may be perceived, and with 2 things in her mouth, which is a constant theme throughout Tara's day.
• The Dirt - all over Tara, represents the media & the gossip/trashing that she has had to endure while being in the public spotlight. Not only is it a symbol for the media, but it is actual dirt because Tara got wasted, left Dennis Rodman's apartment at 6 in the morning and fell in a big pile of mud (just before the filming of this episode of South Park.)
• Bandaid - The bandaid....well... there really is no symbolism to the band-aid, she just got wasted at a Maxim Superbowl party (you pick the year) and fell over and cut her face. Hence, the bandaid.

I hope you enjoyed my fine art. Join us next time, here at Le Drunk Blogquer Art Gallery/Wine & Cheese Tasting.

Drunk Blogger is a regular contributor to stuff. Nah, not the magazine, just stuff.

I Asked Justin Timberlake if He Had Next

I apologize if this post makes my blog seem more like the diary of a 13-year old girl, than what it is. Wait a minute....what exactly is it? Anyway, that's the beauty of it, I'm incognito. I could actually be a 13-year old girl. Oh yeah.. the picture.. Well anyway, sorry about that shit, but this is how the Drunk Blogger started anyway. I just wanted to document all this stuff that I did and saw in Hollywood and just make fun of it. I didn't expect to amass a readership of over 5,000 (34+/-) a day. It just happened. Plus, it's like the Sopranos. You don't just go away from how the show started just to get to the juicy stuff. You don't get rid of the psychological part and the dreams, because that's just as much a part of the show as the gangster shit. (Yes, I've just compared my blog to the Soprano's.) Anyway, I went to my gym in Hollywood yesterday. I wasn't even going to play basketball but I noticed that there were a few people in there and nobody was playing so I figured I could get a game started. There were a few people shooting around at the other end and probably 8 where I was so I went down to the other end to see if anybody wanted to play. Without even recoginzing anybody, I walked right up to Justin Timberlake and said, "you guys want to play next?" It was funny because I didn't know who it was until I went up to him. (Damn, this is sounding like the diary of a 13-year old girl.) Anyway, he said, "Nah, I'm just shooting around." He was shooting around with some trainer, apparently working on his game for some reason. After that, we got a game going and we "straight balled yo." I don't know what got in to me, but as I usually do when there is a former member of N'Sync or another pop group watching, I played as if I was on the And 1 tour. I even crossed a guy over and he fell over and everybody started laughing. True story. I definitely redeemed myself because I played like shit the night before. I was hoping, by playing really well, that I would get a role in something or at least get to become a part of JT's entourage so I wouldn't have to work a night job anymore, but nothing happened. That was pretty much my whole plan for success in this town so I'm pretty much screwed and not sure what I'm going to do now. Oh well, I'm sure I'll think of something. Drunk Blogger writes for ESPN magazine, they just don't accept any of the stuff he submits to them.

A Douchebag Tries to Drag Race With Me

Alright, so I was leaving work at about 2:40 AM (I love my job) tonight...or this morning and as I'm driving by, this red car comes out of nowhere from behind me, driving fast as shit and passes me. OK. Random, but cool. Whatever. Then we pull up to a stop light where we are both stopped and I'm thinking, "Great, is he going to try and drag race me now?" I was joking though. I'm driving a 1995 Honda Accord Station wagon AKA "The Stabbin Wagon" and he is driving in what is apparently a souped-up red Toyota Sports car of some kind. I don't even know what the hell it was. So the light is about to change and what does he do? He starts revving up his engine as if we are about to do some awesome fucking street race from Fast & The Furious on the streets of Burbank. What the fuck? The light changes and I purposely sit there for about 8 seconds and he doesn't move. He continues to rev up his engine. I'm thinking, "Are you serious?" So I pull up and start to drive past him, already knowing what is coming. He lets me get into the intersection and then flies past me. I did get a look at him as I drove by and he was some goofy high school kid. Only he didn't look at me, it was really weird. For about 1/27th of a second, I felt bad for being pissed since it was just a kid. Then I came to my senses and realized that a douchebag has no age. Despite the fact that he is young and immature, does not negate the fact that he has the reminents of becoming a full-fledged douchebag when he gets older. As he flew past me, I calmly extended my arm out the window and extended my middle finger. I kept it up for the whole time I was behind him, way behind him, but hopefully he at least got the idea. Then, he pulls over in front of me, slows down and ends up in a turning lane at a light. I'm thinking he wants to start something. I've already had a bad day and to be honest, I didn't give a shit at this point. But the light is green so he turns left, I pass him, bring my middle finger back inside and close the window. Touche douchebag. You have won this round, but I'll be back. You nerd. Drunk Blogger is a ghost writer for rapper Ghostface Killah. Or at least he would be if he wasn't so busy killing people with ghost faces.

Things That Happend to Me in LA Today: Vol. 1

1. While sitting at Buzz on Sunset & Laurel, enjoying a coffee, I noticed about 8-10 girls who walked by at different times, all of which were wearing big sunglasses and a camoflouge or other type of interesting hat. Does everybody in LA look at US Weekly and see celebs incognito and feel the need to do the same? (Side Note: I also realized that I now only feel normal after drinking coffee in LA.) 2. Just as I was about to pay for my foot-long turkey breast sandwhich with southwest sauce at the Subway at Sunset & Crescent Heights, a guy budged in front of me and bought 8 bottles of Diet Coke. I didn't mind since they were still wrapping my sandwhich up...but who goes to subway to buy Diet Cokes. It's more expensive. I guess if you are desperate, that makes sense. Why would you be that desperate to buy 8 Diet Cokes though? 3. I did not see any celebrities, although I watched some TV and recalled times when I had run into, met or seen about 10-12 of the celebrities on TV. Man, I sure am awesome. 4. I had a list of things to do written in today's spot on the calendar. I didn't even check my calendar today. I still ended up doing one of the things on my list at least. 5. I still had about 5 post-it notes on my desk, all with things written down that I need to do at some point. These things range in age from 2 days to 6 months. They are definitely priorities though since they are on post-it notes. 6. While stopped at a light on Cahuenga & Barham, I noticed a guy with blue hair, walking up to the crosswalk. He was yelling and talking to himself. He looked really mad. I wonder if he has always been crazy or if he just turned that way after a lot of rejection and numerous acting classes taught by teachers who are just as crazy as him. Hmm.. 7. I heard a funny story from my roomate about how Tara Reid was at The Lobby last weekend and right when she walked in, she was so drunk, she fell and her friends caught her. You would think this story was from a year or 2 ago, but nope, this kind of stuff is still happening to Tara Reid. 8. On this day in history, in 1976 Howard Hughes passed away in a plane flying him to the hospital. Rumor has it, he died from complications that stemmed from his disappointment of The Aviator losing the Oscar to Million Dollar Baby. Also, I am going to drive down the Howard Hughes Freeway today. None of that was really all that funny, but you can imagine what it would be like if it was. Bonus Clip: Things That Didn't Happen to Me Today in LA, But Should Have: 1. I was expecting to see Tara Reid, driving around Hollywood, doing nothing, for the 4th time in 6 months. That didn't happen. At least I had my roomates story though so I'll count that as 3 1/2. 2. I did not get a million-dollar development deal from 20th Century Fox, Sony Pictures, HBO, Steven Spielberg or Steven Seagal today. I'm sure that will happen tomorrow though. Note: This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this blog. The Drunk Blogger is starting to realize that nothing is going on in LA today, except drunk blogging.

I Got Royally Screwed Today While Trying to Watch/Promote Saww III

Ok, so I stayed up until 4:45 AM, which was about an hour ago, to watch my short film Saww III: The Sherman Oaks Webcam Murders on IFC. It was listed as airing at 4:45 AM, Wednesday April 5th. I turn on IFC, and there is a feature film on. Then, I check there website and not only find out that it will air at 4:45 AM "Wednesday night" AKA Thursday morning (IFC considers it Wednesday until 5:00 AM Thursday morning. I guess that's why they are independant.) but that Saww III will not actually air all 14 times that the schedule lists. Basically, there is no telling which shorts of the 5 that won, that they will play during those allotted times. OK...I can deal with that. This isn't my big break anyway, just a little bit of exposure. I just built it up in my head more because it was fun to. OK...I'm cool with that. But...the thing I can't deal with...the thing that really pisses me off...is that I came here to check the schedule of when Saww III is supposed to air, and I go to the blog (a few down) where I posted it and it is totally blank. WTF?!? Either a hacker somehow hacked my blog and took out all the info (which seems possible, considering the guy who beat me in the horror category had double the votes and views of me, and his film sucked) or, blogger messed up somehow. Either is unacceptable. I re-posted Saww III and the schedule, but what I've lost, and what cannot be replaced, is the witty, hilarious, zany, wacky, funny, and all out riot of a commentary that I posted to go along with that blog. I mean, it was hilarious. And now, probably some 14-year old hacker, who is jealous of my skills and is a moron, deleted my shit! WTF!? Not only will I probably never even see my own film on IFC, but somebody fucked with my promotion of the film through my blog, and to make things worse, it's 5:39 AM in the fucking morning and I'm wide awake, all because I stayed up to supposedly watch my film on IFC. What a retarded, vicious cycle this is! When they said that television and the internet were integrating more and more, I didn't think they were talking about this shit. To make things double worse, I don't even know if that last shit I typed even makes sense! So I don't know what the deal is but the word "annoying" comes to mind. Here is Saww III, maybe I'll just post it in every blog this month. The sound effects are the shit bitch! Pissed Off Drunk Blogger is brought to you by...well, pretty much everything he just wrote about. He's not mad at you though, unless you are the one who messed with his blog.

I Attended the UCLA Victory Over LSU

Alright, first of all, I went to Arizona State. I had a great time there. So much so that I still question most social activity nowadays. Nothing lives up to expectations. But, today, I went to the Westwood Brewing Company (I think that's what it's called) and pretended to be not only a hardcore Bruin fan, but a former student. Anyway, we pretty much owned the place and led everybody to the greatest school spirit moment in school history during UCLA's victory over LSU to play in the championship game against Florida. We did it for our own purposes. We took some video (which I'm not at liberty to talk about due to confidentiality agreements), but not only that, we were on the news, a lot. I met the reporter named Deborah and go a picture with her. If you meet her, let her know I still want to marry her. Since all I do is work and have no life, I checked out their stations website. She wasn't on there though. So I'm just going to pretend that this is her. Even though it isn't. She was really hot, but kind of short. I told her she was my favorite journalist though. I told her it was between her and Cronkite and I couldn't decide. I said a lot of other drunk stuff during the game that was funny. Man, I'm hilarious. I would probably tell this story better, if I wasn't actually drunk right now. But I am. Damn, oh well. I will also say, that social life in LA sucks, at least for me, because all I do is work and I become disconnected with the semi-hot girls at bars who pick up on semi-attractive losers and dont' know what to do when a real mutha fucka like me comes along. Anyway, that is all. Expect more from me, very soon ;) Edie Falco PSA: Hey kids! It's Edie Falco AKA Carmella from The Sopranos! Check out flowershop.com. You can send flowers or you can buy Marine Electronics. Ok...actually, I'm not sure about that last part. But it would be a pretty cool flower shop if it was true. Drunk Blogger is actually drunk, which sometimes helps, but tonight, it hinders.